Meet the Brady Bunch!

Okay, not The Brady Bunch. Instead, meet the characters we created to be regulars on our proposed series. I bet there's a Brady correlation in there somewhere, though. I am quite sure that Todd, the middle brother, suffers from 'Jan Brady' syndrome. I bet he goes around whining, "Tyler, Tyler, Tyler!" all the time.

But I am getting ahead of myself.

You can see from the e-mail exchanges between Amy and myself that we started with the idea of how we'd update "Northern Exposure" and then realized we'd only invite comparisons to the original. Can anybody say "Bionic Woman Update?" "Knight Rider Update?" "Family Affair Update?" We didn't want to go there.

"Men in Trees" came and went. To our enormous relief. Even as it puttered weakly through its two seasons on ABC, Amy and I were hard at work on our pilot script.

And here are the characters who "live" in our fictional town of Continental Divide, the focus of our soon to be fabulously-successful television series "Crossing the Divide:"

Rita Havenstock - cranky old woman who runs a ramshackle motel in town. She's also the matriarch of the equally ramshackle Archer family. At an age when most people could be thinking about taking life easy, she found herself having to raise her three orphaned nephews.

The nephews are:

Tyler Archer - the oldest brother. The golden boy. Was the high school quarterback and class president. Runs a successful real estate business. His ethics are a little shady, but hey, when you're that good-looking...

Todd Archer - the middle brother. As I said, suffers from "Jan Brady Syndrome." Never as good at anything as his brother. Constantly chasing the lastest get-rich-quick scheme. Back in town after a lengthy absence with a wife and daughter in tow.

Danny Archer - the youngest brother. Marches to the beat of his own drum. Nothing ruffles him too much. Makes his living as a wilderness guide. He's the one you'd want watching your back in any kind of circumstance. Somehow, despite the influence of his two big brothers, he turned out honest as the day is long. Which isn't to say he doesn't have his own problems.

Also:

Amanda Archer - Todd's long-suffering wife. Smart, down-to-earth. Her only real lapse in judgment was marrying Todd.

Livia Archer - daughter of Todd and Amanda. An old soul in a young body. Intellectually, she's head and shoulders above both parents. Socially, she's got a ways to go, but she's willing to give it a try.

Rose - she's Danny's live-in girlfriend. A refugee from a privileged urban existence, she's reinvited herself as something entirely different in this new life she's leading.

Winston - he runs the local diner.

Sean Hendricks - he runs the local newspaper.

Mickey - nobody is entirely sure what he does, even those who know him best. If Shakespeare also composed music, or if
Mozart also wrote screenplays, and if either one of them was an avid skinny-dipper, then they'd have a lot to talk about with Mickey.

Lou - She's gorgeous, she's secretive, she's new in town, and she's very good at hurting people. With her words AND with her hands.

Okay, that's it. That's our cast.

The only problem is, that's eleven people. If you watch "The Brady Bunch," you'll notice there are only nine boxes in the opening credits. We have more people than we have boxes!!!

What are we going to do?

And don't offer any logical answer like, "Why do you have to have nine boxes in your opening credits?" This isn't about making sense. This is about creating fine art!!!

Stay tuned for what we decided to do next.